So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
