yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You have to summon your inner elephant
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
