Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
