I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
