My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
