And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
