in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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