Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
