i may or may not be watching the land before time
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
