guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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