She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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