her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
