woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
