The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
