You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
