fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
