I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
