If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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