I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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