yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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