Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
