no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
we should paint friendship bongs
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
