How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
