You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I believe in your delicious
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
