i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
