You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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