im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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