at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize