I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
