Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
