Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We left an ass print on the piano.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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