so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
