Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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