She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
