This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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