Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
