Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
