A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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