Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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