actually, I'm a sock model
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
