Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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