Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
