You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
