so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
