somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
