Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
