i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
