Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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