Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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