you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Randomize
