I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
