I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize