so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
