haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
