We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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