we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
