Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sorry my hands just texted you
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
