I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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