i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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