In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
