i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
