She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
