Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You work out of a Hotel?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Everclear isn't food dammit
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
