he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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