I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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