I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
