A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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