She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
