What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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