How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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