thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
