I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
