I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just made out with a guy for $7.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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