wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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