I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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