Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
