I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize